electronic impulses from brain to fingers; directed? sometimes. random? always.
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Chinkie for life.
NorCal for life.
Bruin for life.
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Thursday, June 26, 2003
when am i going to take things seriously? i don't even know.
doobin @ 3:03 PM
myi don't yet understand why, but sometimes i don't want to hear my own voice. yet, as i write, i still hear one. it's like I wish to hear my written voice over my spoken.. because then it seems like someone else.
do you tire of hearing yourself?
is the sound of your voice the same as the sound that you hear resonating in your head?
is the voice that you give yourself in writing much different from the one you have when talking?
i wonder if we are all a bit schizophrenic because we happen to listen or give power to certain voices that we may not be able to distinguish from each other.
right now i don't really want to read, and yet, the power of my words compels me to listen to my voice. I feel a yearning to speak and yet, feel so helpless in uttering a single word.
i believe my fears are overtaking me to the point where I am no longer as free as i can be. or do i believe? is acceptance belief, or is it merely ignorance?
......
my world weeps while chaos is unleashed.
its claws revel in devilry, extensions of the embodiment of the Beast: that white and blackened bane of existence that is the source of all powerful evil and altruistic weak.
it ravages and scavenges the flaws and the raw uncut slab of my deteriorating weaknesses, dragging those stripped pieces into an ethereal bleakness.
it imprisions the forbidden bonds of my misinformed beliefs, leaving me helpless to the freedom of ignorance and imagination blissfully bequeathed.
its chains tear at me link by link and tear drop by drop until my pain has been unsheathed;
the feeling is like flooding mindlessness down the drains of the unfortunately unfeasible, like the illumination of the shadowed gleams in the perfect storm of a father's eye. whatever the case, whether those oxen reigns prove enviably meager or pitifully great, my future, like torture, is unforeseeable.
so while contained within this frontier of space, it is certain that what magikal swords and sorcery will prove to be defense -- that which will move to the offense when it loses me in suspence -- remains to be unseen.
......
doobin @ 3:00 PM
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